...

Little Raquel it's hard to be you,
You're jealous of anyone who has the flu.
Little Raquel what more can you do,
Then beat yourself til' your black and blue?

Madlin' Marie Lucyk :

I was once so frightened to move back to my home city, my sister was heading to college in Halifax, my life had changed so much in the mountains.  I felt no real connection to Regina, nor did I want to live in a new home that my parents had built when I was away.  I felt like I was starting from scratch, from square one in this town, and I was.  I asked my mother one hundred times, "What are the odds that I found a best friend this late in life, no excuse me, a sister"? .. She said "Rare".

MY best friend is the most talented, admirable, generous, incomparable individual around.  The amount of praise and positivity I have received from her over the last year and a half should be illegal.  There isn't a moment where I feel hesitant to call, to stop by, ANYTHING.  Her family is mine and vice versa.  I have never found another (other than my sister) that connects with me on every aspect of life.  Whether it be music, people, poetry, photography, movies, books, daydreams and above all, men (the list goes on...) she has whole heartedly had my best interest at hand.  Never has someone made me laugh, cry, rejoice the way she does.  Within 30 seconds of her fingers banging piano keys I am in another place.  My best friend and I only bring out the positive within the other.  We have spent the last year creating a world of our own in ways of music, photography & every other art genre you can imagine.

I can't recall a time where she hadn't given me the most honest of opinion & has helped me see the light in plenty of dark and dreary wells.  She is a diary with a deadbolt & without a doubt the anchor to me in this city.  Who knows where my gypsy soul have taken me, without you here, Madlin' Lucyk!

I haven't felt this sick in months, and for once it wasn't something I ate.

frigid christmas

little steps

Don't come over now,
I don't trust that forest.
A forest of werewolves and witches,
eyeball their prey.

Don't come over now,
I don't trust that forest.
Earthlings and monsters
together they play.

Don't come on over
I wouldn't trust that forest,
But when you get here
together we'll lay.

today's rancor::

Oh the irony!

You 30 somethings sipping champagne, thinking I adulate you with everything inside of me. Today I worked a Christmas party (pantheon), and the entire time they were playing 'murder mystery'. I couldn't help but laugh because it reminded exactly of my favourite book "Fight Club". Where the protagonist outlines how horrible and materialist your life must be to attend a party where you are pretending to be killed, while they sip their 30 dollar a glass wine.

Cripes.

Where the children sleep.

Probably THE most amazing idea for a photography visual aid I have ever laid my eyes on.  James Mollison travels all over the world in curiosity of where children are laying their heads at night.  These are only four examples of his work, but the idea is completely breath taking.

We comin' rougher

pretty powder

This is something I have wanted to blog about for a while, but I didn't quite know how to : due to the fact that I didn't want to sound anything like a hypocrite about this situation.  Drugs are something I have been around since before high school, and smoking pot has become second nature to the majority of my friends. Although I love smoking pot, I have never made it a huge part of my life.  I lived on a mountain for 2 years where I have seen just about every reason your parent would not want you moving there, but it had no effect on my friends and I as we lived our lives at Big White.  What I want to discuss here is hard drugs.  This is where one might say, you are a hypocrite, you just admitted to smoking weed.  Weed DOES NOT effect people the way say, cocaine does.  I was never really exposed to coke in high school, and it wasn't until I got to Big White did I see people do it around me.

First thing :  It's not fucking cool, but since most already knew that, I will try and explain.

I feel so sorry for people who's lives are so terrible that they need these drugs to induce their senses, their personality, their ability to converse with people.   Some may even do them just to be 'themselves'.  Wow are you a low life.  I couldn't imagine needing anything more then good music, my best friends, boyfriend, family to give me the high that people get from drugs.  I feel that if my brain had an extra cell to be busted, I auta bust it trying to memorize a song on the piano, read wikipedia until my eyes burn, catch up with problems going on in the world.

Although Madlin' and I have had this conversation plenty of times that we have concluded, "I suppose most people don't get the same kind of joy from life as you and I".  Which is completely true, but besides the point, it all comes down to choices.  Everyone is exposed to drugs sometime in their life, and although I don't mean to get all grade 7 drug class on anyone, I can say this open and honestly that having tried drugs, I know that it adds nothing to my life.  Infact it only decreases every attribute of my personality that I hold so dearly.

NOTE : you do not appear more attractive, more fun, more outgoing, more cool strutting around the bar blasted out of your face, hanging off of men.  The only thing you equal in their eyes (men) and the likes of all the smart people around you is, "hey, she looks like she's going nowhere in life, I bet she's as easy to sleep with as well".

You know what, I believe more than anyone that you only live once, and everyone should do something in their life that really is out of character, like move to Europe, get a tattoo, learn a language, beat someone up, whatever.  But popping rat poison and dancing til' your tits pop out of your shirt has never been on my to do list.

P of the future.

I am going to be great at something,
or good for nothing.

I know exactly what I want to do in life,
I am not sure how I will get there,
I'm not sure when I'll get there,
nor do I know why...

All I know is I want to be behind my camera for the rest of my life, capturing life's essence that can't be touched, nor tasted, not even heard. For your visions create memories, and from memories, come dreams, and without dreams, I'd only be a sleepwalker, not a day dreamer, with my camera in my hand.

go ask alice

...

1933

Cheap white wine,
and words that rhyme,
this is how i've been spending my time.
I've been pacing by the mail box,
checking my missed calls. .
I thought you hadn't tried at all.
But I know the mail has been late,
and my phone bills not paid.
So I'll go shovel the street,
the snow cold on my feet.
So the mail can get here,
please, just call me, my dear.

blizzard

On the most frightful of days, such as this, I couldn't be more grateful for a pen and paper.  Infact I know these two writing apparatus' would be the only things I needed if I were by chance left on a deserted island.  It is the only reliable source of communication, and this I am learning is the honest truth.  These two dear things keep me alive when I am dead at work, are there for me when I wake at 3 am without a soul to chat to, and above all else, have kept secrets I wouldn't dare share.

kisses over babylon

He vivido en este lugar
Por cuantos anos no se
Me llamo es Nicole
Fui Encantado
Quiero la sangre sonido
De mis profundos oidos
Hasta que hayamos cantados
Soy encanado
Encanado

like drunks in love;
we're just two punks in love

she's got a song for everything.

THANK GOD I was born with a dominant right brain, thanks Mimi.

This cold don't feel so cold at all.

I thought I would dread the turn of the season, as I typically do when I live here.  But this season I have welcomed the snow/cold with open arms.  I am getting so excited for Christmas and have been keeping busy doing things I haven't done in the past.  Living on a ski hill kind of feels like Christmas everyday so I knew I'd have to change my ways to get into the spirit this year & last.  This year I've been volunteering at Saskatchewan Abilities Council, and next week i'll start at Regina Food For Living, delivering food etc. to homes in need.  It is so easy to feel "too busy", as there are days when I could waste away in my bed until 2pm (and I have).  I just think everyone could benefit from getting involved a little, you know? 

 I was so lucky to get away to Halifax 2 weeks ago when our huge storm hit.  Halifax is beautiful and envy my baby sister in every way for voyaging out there on her own, I guess it runs in her blood.  I know she will never come home for good, but will give me an excuse to be out there 2-3 times a year.  I've decided to get my spanish certificate & go back to University in January.  I literally can't wait, I love being at school and filling my brain with more information then it can accommodate.  

I don't typically write about my life, as it is easier for me to pour out poems or fill my page with pictures but I haven't 'journaled' anything lately and realize I have so much to talk about, however, if you know me, you already know what's going on, and if you don't, there is probably a reason for that. 

you can see right through me, my dear.

8 sure ways to steal my little black heart

8. knowing the works of Bret Easton Ellis (head to the book store)
7. perfect your chop-stick usage(practise makes perfect)
6. know more about the Rwanda genocide then myself (wikipedia)
5. who is Jeff Magnum? (tell me)
4. be familiar with f-stops (it's easy..)
3. finish this lyrics .. "silver ______ dollar" (mi hermana. .)
2. understand my sarcasm (not easy..)
1. if you can't be any of the above; be yourself.

While the rest of this brainwashed province prepares for 3 hours of watching talentless American's play for our football team, I have :

1) taken a few hundred photos around the lake
2) went into work where I helped create delicious Christmas drinks for our functions
3) went to my 3 hour class. . we are learning about the origin of the pin-hole camera and creating our own!
4) designed a Christmas card that I will be sending to all loved ones this season!
5) a combination of baking and catching up with my parents

....OH LIFE.  I guess you can help being a product of the times, you've just gotta grow a head.

nadar

If all our boys lived across the sea --
What good swimmers us girls would be.

Class

My hippie friends clean up nicely, ya think? .. 

Why do you let me stay here?

Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile?
We like the same things and I like your style. .
It's not a secret : Why do you keep it?
I'm just sitting on the shelf.

I've got to get your presence
Let's make it known
I think you're just so pleasant
I would like you for my own.

My idea of an event : Tuesday jibbing, photos & beers.

some girls were put on this earth to steal your boyfriend.
some girls were put on this earth to punch those girls in the face.

mykonos

i'll sleep out in the gutter, you can sleep here on the floor.

Oh boy;
I will be with you when you lose your breath.
With some pretty, bubbly, horrific scene
That was stealing your heart from your chest.
But oh boy;
It isn't as pretty as you'd like to guess,
Oh boy;
All of our friends are letting us know--
Bristling and ugly.
Bursting with fruits falling out from the holes,
There isn't one friend you could find more near
then me sitting next to you, my dear.

Look at what I get to play with!  Hopefully my next camera purchase.

i've put a spell on you, and now your mine

I just purchased 'the little book of curses and malediction' for my girlfriend's birthday, I bought one as well, hope I get some good use out of it.

I keep feeling that people are becoming less human and more animalistic. They seem to think less and feel less so that everyone is operating on a very primitive level. I wonder what you and I will see in our lifetimes. It seems so hopeless yet we must keep on trying .. I guess we can't escape being a product of the times, can we?

My dear S.A.C kids

... I learned the hard way ,

"there aint no fun in funeral, son"

oh my heart.

I witnessed my first heart attack today, great start to the week.

Halloweenas Beunas!

What did I do to deserve this much happiness?  I can't possibly hold it all in, be selfish all day, I'm headed to salvation army this afternoon.  I will burst if I don't come down from the high of last night.

This weekend was one for the ages.
Friday night:  B.A Johnston.
Saturday night :  left being the only 2 not dressed up at the pub.  my crazy tia y martinis.

agitacion!

Universidad.

I was having a discussion with someone a while back about people who rush their futures.  What I mean by this is people who graduate highschool, with no real life lessons or morals and the first thing they think is, "I need to get my psychology degree".  Now I am not saying all people who graduate highschool and go right into university don't know what they are doing, that is not the case, but in some cases I think people are putting too little investment discovering what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

Take this prime example.  I graduated with a girl who your mother would fear, no, refuse you to hang out with.  This girl was the epitome of a 'bully'.  She was the gossip central of the universe and god forbid you got on her bad side.  Anyways, it has come to my attention that she is going to university to become a psychiatrist.  Even better, a child's psychiatrist.  ? ..  ..

Someone help me understand, imma become a nun.

A blind man sleeps in the doorway of his home,

If only I had an enemy bigger than my own.


This weekend I realized a few things :
I am no longer going to poison my mind and body of alcohol because I'd rather wake up with the crisp words you uttered vs a pounding migrane.

For every hour I waste this week Imma multiply it by 3 in charity work.  Things like facebook and hours of mindless internet browsing are not worth my time, there are people out there that can be educating me, while educating them. 

joe sexxxtonnn boiii

I hope I'm as raw as my relatives when I grow up.

So far :

4 bottles of wine
26 of vodka
24 of MGD.
Bottle of Grand Marnier

between 4 of them .. and nobody has puked yet.

Son las diez y uno PM..

Aunque no sea mas que eso tengo hacer mi mas feliz pero tu.  Estuve en Saskatoon anoche con mis amigos , pase 50 dolares te llama de el armario... valio la pena ..

dannng.

Bitter Sweet.

 OH ALEGRIA!!!  ESTOY TAN FELIZ, ESTE NOCHE, MI NUEVO AMIGA Y YO PASADO 3 MARAVILLOSO HORAS JUNTOS.  Me alegro que seamos ...

stornoway ..

I saw you blink and i missed your eyes, your blue eyes

I saw you blink and i missed your eyes, your blue eyes
When we were talkin' on the stairs

No entiendo

He intentado
He intentado
He intentado.


Eres mio para siempre .. 

new zealand.

My clocks been stuck on 9:53,
for 2 days, maybe three,
reminders of strange tea parties,
dear public :: what's wrong with me?

My theory of those falling dreams,
are nothing is quite what it seems.
Do you find it peculiar,
do you find it strange?..
That in some places,
seasons never change.
Well i've slept through summer
and prepared for fall,
and haven't heard from you at all.

feliz

No teacher, no parent, no friend could of prepared me for the amount of happiness that comes with being '21'.  They have counselors and shrinks for people who are miserable, but what to do with all of my flooding abundance of joy? .. 

Look at what came in the mail today, Madlin' I can't wait for Saturday.

it's been a while

Hiya readers :

I've decided to make my blog public again, who knows for how long, perhaps until yet another psycho tries to make me regret my posts, rethink them, manipulate. . etc.  I don't know where to start, but I know I should.  I haven't wrote in a month, but that doesn't mean there was nothing to write about.

I am the happiest I have been in a long time, I am learning more about myself and others everyday.  I just got back from a 2 week road trip to BC with my favourite Cousin!  Ahh life is good.

Good things:
1) men
2) friends
3) skateboardddding, ching.
4) school
5)family

In regards to my blog I have decided I am not holding back on here.  I took a month break from blogging and realized, "hey, if you don't like it, don't fucking read it".  So I will warn everyone in advance, this blog may not make you happy, it may not make you hate me, it may make you love me to bits, but frankly . . I don't give a fuck.

nadie o nada..

How do you tell someone what's bothering you when your whole relationship is based on a lie?  On being used?  About finding similarities in a world of difference, in a world that's all just the same.  I can't tell you what's been on my mind, for I am afraid I will lose you.  I'm afraid that time and space have the power to separate, it's done it before.  I am afraid when I leave, I will be a figment of time you spent wisely, and not so productively.  I am afraid when I leave I will be nothing more then a friend with great benefits, nothing more then a tuesday afternoon.  Nothing more then the gas money you didn't spend, the sheets we filthied  with our bodies of lies & ties.  Now i'm toungue tied, what do I say?  How to make you stay?  I'll go, go with the flow, you stay.  It's easier to go, and not to know, what you left here.  It's easier to start new, that much is true.  It's easier to rhyme when your mad, and much easier to cry when your sad, but who knew?  Now it's fall, the greatest month of all and i've made no step further, no, no step closer to you.

Nuevo

I haven't wrote a blog entry in way too long, I guess writing privately isn't as fun as I thought.  What's new in my life?  CLINT came home from South Korea and spent the last 4 wonderful nights with us!  It was so amazing to see him, he has done so much.  I am fininshed my portfolio and pretty set on photography school in January.  I planned a road trip with Clint for the middle of September for 10 days to go see cousins in BC!!  I have been working 6 days a week, hating it.  My diet is shit.  I drink too much and eat too much and work too much, but hey thats life.

a little about me

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind 
I can withhold like it’s going out of style 
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone 
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met. 
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. 
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen 
And you've never met anyone 
Who's as positive as I am sometimes

in-bread

I have never seen a bigger group of hill billy fucks in my life.  I got off work at 9:15 roughly with no plans on going out, until of course, I was easily convinced to go out.  I was looking forward to doing something different for a change, like hanging out with these guys we were supposed to.  However we ended up at the cerebral palsy center, the Owl.  Within moments I could tell that it was the usual Abercrombie and Fitch wearing _____ that are typically there, however we went in anyways.  I saw_____ friends, which is always a great treat, and convinced_____ and _______ to go to Ohans.  While entering Ohanlons I see C, of course, and he doesn't look at me.  Among all the dirt bags, even BT looked intelligent.  There were nothing but Rider Prider chicken fuckers at the pub.  But I am beginning to sound like a broken record.

I need out, seriously, I have never felt less stable, less confident, less amused, less creative, less productive in my entire existence.  I need to leave, I seriously don't care where, but NOTHING is here for me.  The man I will marry will certainly not be from this province, hell I doubt he will be from this country.  But ANYWHERE is better then here.  I am starting to feel crazy, I feel trapped.  Moose Jaw hell, Estevan sounds better everyday.

luna baile.

I think it's safe to say
nothings as good as it seems.
And I think it's safe to assume
nothing is real in your dreams,
but oh no I won't expect the worst.

And although your hand on mine
was convincing at the time
I think it's safe to guess,
while my arm around your chest,
unannounced feelings of emptiness.

And I would call each of my friends,
they'd listen,
same sob story over and over again.

I felt it first.
My heart burst.
Too young.
Solo diecinueve.

Womens Nike Snowboard Boots.

I was just told I am being sent last years model of women's Nike boots for free from the shop I worked at in Calgary.  So bloody stoked my 32 lashed are just about busted, and screw all you haters I have heard good things about these boots.  

Leader of men.

The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end. The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having in key decisions made by religious people. By irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it. Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas. And anyone who tells you they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong. This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price. If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was that we learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die. 


"Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a pretty good second one. And that's what religion gives to people. Power. Power is sex for people who can't get or don't want or aren't any good at sex itself. "
-Bill Maher from "religulous".

Pentax K1000

This is going to be my next weapon, can't wait to get my hands on you!!

sometime in 2000 and 6

At times I would blame the wind,
I would usually blame the rain
Those nights I stood outside in the snow, in the fog,
You never came.

You would think of these excuses.
I listened, but never accused,
still never excused.
Battered and bruised
I was easily amused.

At times I would blame my mother,
blame the current, heck, blame my brother.
Because you were perfect,
and it was worth it.

You would laugh at the gold you stole,
the stories told.
Lies...
New and old.

3 years later,
now i'm the creator

@ttractivo..

ok, let me make this blog the start of my healthy being'ness'.

I woke up this morning at noon, which I CAN'T STAND doing, hung over as shit, thinking about what was really so important that I needed to get shit faced again, and couldn't come up with any good reason, well mind you, there never is a good reason, but that is what I am saying.  From now on, I am only drinking, smoking, drugs and the like, on occasions.  What is an occasion?  A friend getting home from travel, family reunion, birthday, someone's birthday, finding out i'm pregnant (there for i would up the ante..kidding) .. but you get the point..

I remember about one quarter of my night last night, and it all involves me acting like an idiot, rambling to everyone, buying retard yelling 'WOOOOP' drinks and red bull, asking a gay man if he would like to trade tank tops, asking a bumb for HIS money rather then giving, traveling to not 3 but 4 Tim Hortons looking for not a 6 but a 12 inch BROWN sub (spent about 45 minutes doing that), calling the cops on idiots snorting coke off of some guys truck, talking to HOT cop while wasted and precede to get into my car,  giving the entire bar directions to my house for the 'after party' that could never have taken place, hitting on boys with girlfriends, forgetting 'G' at bar which forced him to do the dirty hour walk home through the hood, and if I go on any longer you wouldn't believe me now, would you?

So to conclude, yes I had fun, yes I always have fun, but I am sick of it.  I remember during this past year of school, I would go out once a month, I was running daily on the treadmill, eating perfectly, and felt absolutely amazing.  Today, not only am I embarrassed, unattractive mess, I feel like dirt and want to tear my eyes and teeth out.  I need to grow up.

bleeeeeeeehhhhhhh

not overly stoked on :

i need a new job

this city is getting old

i have no idea where my future is going

too late to apply for school

i'm :

BROKE

Boyless ..(today)

ANGRY

Lazzzzzy

constantly reminded of my situation

in need of change

aburrido?,,,, no

I haven't been blogging enough lately, I thought I would be drowned in everything I could write about my trip, but the truth is, I have been so damn busy.  I think about my life, and the life of my friend's and have learned one thing this past year :: Your life, is 100S% what you make it.  There are days I wake up and feel way too lazy, way too tired, way too whatever to leave the house...  Shame on me, i'm only disappointing myself.  It is a cycle, and it's all in your head.  When I want to get active, go running, go dancing, feel good, I can and I do.  When I want to be lazy, sit on the couch and do nothing, the consequences remain.  What am I getting at?  That I have a terrific life filled with terrific people and kick myself for wasting days like I tend to do.  My girlfriend once said, "oh I don't even realize we live in Regina, I am never bored, and the people here is what makes this city fantastic".  I agree, this year has been one of the best years in a long time, all due to change.  Everyone can make a positive change, this city will sometimes ruin you but you need to know how to get out of your rut.

dumb girls...

I haven't formally made fun or raised a crisis of my knowledge to the public lately so I am going to address the group of people in this world that I hate more then thieves, more then Turks, more then country music superstars...  this is DUMB GIRLS.

For this certain discussion I am going to have to number them because there are so many, so I will take some wise steps to separate the levels of dumbness and divi them into categories for everyone.

FIRST ::

This is one of the funniest, least annoying group of girls to me, because they are SO INSIGNIFICANT that it is just hilarious to watch them be.  Here I am talking about the TRASH population of girls.  That at age 19-24 you are still crimping, bleaching, extending your hair, tanning in the tanning bed until you look the color of Christina Aguilera at her 'dirty' stage, but it was actually COOL back then.  I love making fun of these girls because a) they are so stupid that they don't know you are laughing at them.  b) when you do, they are usually so disgustingly wasted that they wouldn't care anyways.  c)  they deserve it?

SECOND ::

This group pisses me off the most of the groups I will be discussing.  These are the girls who ALWAYS NEED A BOYFRIEND.  The girls that can't live, can't sleep, can't eat without the reassurance that they are 'loved', while 90% of the time their stupid boyfriend is cheating on them anyways.  I have way too many friends that are in these relationships with LOSERS and can not see the light.  I actually have the right to talk about this group because for 2 years I was that pathetic person, but I can't understand why girls settle for complete idiots, and want children and a house with this guy at SUCH a young age, go travel, go do something with yourself, go see the world.  I don't get it, it's not the fucking fifties.

THIRD ::

Okay, no, I lied, this is the funniest group of girls and MY FAVOURITE GROUP TO HATE.  This is, you guessed it, the group that still LIVES IN HIGH SCHOOL at ages (19-25+).  What does this mean? If I just wrote one person's name here and ended this blog you would all understand, but since I'm not going to do that since I want to write about it, you will have to let me explain.  This group, even though we have now been out of high school for 3 to however many years, still wants to be their 14 year old self and STRIVES TO keep every last highschool friend they had, referring to them as their 'bff' and not meeting any new friends.  This person could typically be found at the EXACT same  bars they were going to in high school, taking 75 photos a night and pasting them on their face book.  This person more then likely is writing on everyone's facebook wall, needing reassurance that they are still 'cool'.  Their style, and job probably haven't changed much, you can find them living the dream working at tanning salons ( my grade 11 job), still TANNING putting that little heart on your bikini line, and the other.  This girl is probably one of those fucking Justin Beiber petofile and is first in line for tickets to twighlight.  They are still concerned with how the city (Regina, hahaha.) perceives them, and wants, NO NEEDS, to fit in here.  They most likely haven't left this place, lived anywhere else, or seen another country for what it's worth, but hey, why would you?  Reginas the shit.

There are several more groups I could talk about, but if you fit in one, you fit in them all.
I hate girls, and carrots, but hate each as much as the other.

WOW..

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

M.A.S once said...

"Trust me, I've been called worse, by better. Don't flatter yourself. "

18.

"You know that expression, people don't have enough money to put food on the table"?

"Yes, Jenny, Why?"

"Well why the fuck wouldn't they sell the table and then maybe they could afford food"

"Right, I never thought of it that way".

having such a passion about something, now that's something.

I've tried to keep you here, now I'm literally helping you leave.

I have a bat in my house, and I am not overly happy about it.

I leave para : Greece, Turkey, Italy y Croatia on Friday.

Este puedo la mejor cumpleano y todos yo necesito es mi familia y mi camara.!!

this is the thing...

I don't know if you notice anything missing
Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor
And I don't know if you even notice at all
Cause I was real quiet, when I closed the door

And there are things that keep us apart
Keep me alive
And there are things that keep me alive
Keep me alone

laaaaaaaa boda

SOOOOoo  after working a loud, drunken, hilarious wedding i realized two things :

1)  even at a wedding the groom still has a wandering eye.

2)  if I EVER marry, it will be to the funniest man I have ever met, because nothing else matters then being able to laugh at your partner at the fact that your both wearing diapers at age 87.

you are a minion in this town

why fit in when being yourself is twice the fun?
syncophant-- is what you are,
aren't you tired of pleasing?
of following without rhyme    ---------->            or reason?
aren't you sick of the same old?
the same old stories,
sworn and told?
i feel sorry for you,
not then,
but today i
truly do.

remy panier anjou

This ones about you:

It feels like you'd rather know me,
and know me well.
These feelings though, preserved,
you'll never tell.

So we'll sit across dim lit tables,
pretending we are friends
and let our mouths and fingers
take over us again

I feel like I've known you,
longer then you'll ever know.
These feelings of mine are unerring,
and can only grow.
And I will never tell

There is so much room for growth
What is stopping us both?

So we'll sit across dim lit tables,
pretending we are friends
and let our mouths and fingers
take over us again

veotupronto

the pulse of the song

bitter

sweet

MC changed my life

I'm sure it would change yours too, however, i'll never tell

egoista.

Oh People, one in particular .

'Dar' means 'to give' in spanish.  When I think about the people in my life who I enjoy spending any amount of time with, they all have one thing in common. Ellos dan.  They give.  It doesn't matter what it is, but they feel the need to generously dish out what they have.  To me, this is the most important trait in a person.  I have been raised since day one to live by "what's mine is yours".  I know, how cliche.  This is a fact, and shouldn't be questioned.  There is no amount of money, no amount of time, no amount of late night phone calls I won't take, no amount of tangible object that I wouldn't give to a friend or family member in need.

The reason I am writing about this, is because there is one person in my life, who I know was raised identically to me, that couldn't be more opposite.  This person expects everything at a snap of a finger, and will give you nothing in return.  At first I thought it was maturity, which it still is, and that this person woudl grow out of it, it has only gotten worse.  Let me give an example, I had a quilt hung up to dry yesterday and nicely asked this person, "would you mind throwing this in my room in an hour or so, I need to get to work"?  The response I received was, "No, what's the difference of it hanging here or sitting in your room, do it when you get home."  Okay great.  Today, this person had laundry in the dryer and asked me ever so sweetly, "Would you mind, I need to run out, could you take my laundry out of the dryer and fold it, after that could you throw it in my room"?  Haha people are funny.

My parents left me and my sister a generous amount of money before leaving to Rome this week.  I didn't need it at all, but accepted this kind act.  I have used a portion of this on gas for my car, a few groceries and a few other minor necessities.  Although I could care less about my sister's spending habits, I will explain my anger about what she bought.  The first day she took the money, and went to the mall and bought a few articles of clothing.  The next day her and a friend went for dinner.  Today, as she left for work, I see her hopping into my dad's vehicle.  I noticed this, and asked her, "Why can't you take your own car"?  She replied, "There is no gas in it!!".   Haha, and I am considered the irresponsible wench in the family.

a complete crap past 18 hours

Although the sun feels like it is permanently out and the weather is fine and good friends are around, I have had the crappiest last 18 hours.  Although yesterday was full of creative insight, good friends, pictures and wine, the end of the day tore me to pieces.  Although everything that happened are only minor issues, I feel as though I could scream loudly enough to shatter a glass house.  Yesterday, a good friend and I experienced humanity at it's finest.  We were screamed at for taking pictures on a young woman's (unkept) lawn.  We had the worst sushi experience of all time, I know, you are thinking, What can be wrong about going for sushi?  But I assure you, it was horrid.  Then to top last night off, I get home to cat puke all over my room and urine all over my basement (due to me not cleaning litter boxes every 2 hours, fuckers.)  So I cleaned it up in haste and quickly went to bed.

This morning I woke up by my dog jumping onto my bed, I thought, "how lovely, this little beautiful creature is coming to share the morning with me".  I was wrong, within 4 seconds of her lying on my bed she starts gagging and puked instantly.  Not only did she puke on my bed, she puked on my BRAND NEW BIRTHDAY quilt my grandmother made for me, and I received it 2 days ago.  I'm thinking, "shit happens", alot lately.  And quickly wrapped my brand new quilt into a ball and threw it into the washing machine, and went back to bed.  About 10 minutes later I start wondering where abouts I last left my phone.  I usually put it on the night stand beside me, or huck it on the floor somewhere but I could not find it for the life of me.  Instantly I sprung up and ran to the washing machine, to my dismay it still had 25 minutes left and the machine was filled with water so there was no way I could open it.  So later, I open my washing machine and naturally, out comes my phone.  Looking like one of those water games you got as a kid where you need to get the ball to the other side of the maze.  Okay great, I have no phone, grandma's quilt is ruined because I didn't have it on delicate, anything else?  Yes there is one more thing, it seems my dad's vehicle has a ghost living in it.  It has this kind of stereo that once you park, and take out the keys, the music will still play until you open the door.  However, when you open the door and leave the music turns off.  Nope, the music from his vehicle has been blasting for 48 hours, and numerous amounts of times, I have went out, opened the door, the music stops.  I go back out each hour, and all i hear is "HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF" blaring at full blast.

Now to top today off, because I feel very optimistic that the rest of today will be about as good as the last 24 hours.  Tonight at work is ladies night.  I will give you a quick low-down as to what this is all about.  I originally didn't have to work tonight but being the dear that I am, took a shift for a co worker.  Ladies night at the RRGC consists of 150 - 200 65 to 75 year old women.  This also includes a whole lot of cheap wine, water WITH NO ICE, OR WITH NO STRAW, OR WITH 4 LEMON SLICES.  This also includes, rounding the tip to the nearest dollar.  So for example, Suzy's bill is 15.50, she thinks she is being nice by leaving .50 cents.  I hope I die before I turn out like any of these old hens.

Today is a good day

Diamond Sea.

Time takes its crazy toll
And how does her mirror grow?
You better watch yourself when you jump into it
Cause the mirror’s gonna steal your soul

I wonder how it came to be my friend
Someone just like you has come again
Never, never know how close you came
‘Til you fall in love with the diamond rain

Throw all his trash away
Look out, he’s here to stay
Your mirror’s gonna crack when he breaks into it
Never, never be the same

Look into his eyes and you can see
Why all the little kids are dressed in dreams
Wonder how he’s gonna make it back
When he says you know it’s make-believe

.

And i’ll be throwing shapes and sizes into closets that aren’t there,

And even when i’m fully clothed, i’ve never felt more bare.
When i typed in ‘curves’ online today,
there came photos of old winded roads.
Although this was no shock to me,
my flattery, not bestowed.
Magazines at large to make you hate.
Ate, weight, deflate, clean slate, heart rate. Oh great.

greet

Of all the heartfelt and touching moments in my life, what happened to me today is in the race for first.  I believe that things do happen to widen your eyes in times of doubt.  Today, or this week rather, has been filled with doubt.

I graduated with a young man by the name of Jeff.  Although we were never close friends in school, he was in plenty of my classes and we talked on a weekly basis.  Jeff walked with a limp in high school and I do believe he had a disease in which his posture worsened as he got older.  I heard people say that when he was a child, and in elementary school he walked perfectly normal, and not only that, he walked everywhere.  In grade 12 I recall him having troubles, by the end of high school he could hardly walk at all and would often fall.  My heart would break for him because regardless of his disease, he walked to and from school each day but to my dismay, he loved walking.

Today before work, I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some photos and was greeted my a young man in a wheel chair.  I didn't receive the usual friendly, unfamiliar "HELLO" you would normally get as your rushing through the doors of Wal-Mart.  However, it was a familiar, saddened "hi".  In the rush of the moment, with me running in to avoid the snow, while searching through my purse, this voice sounded awfully familiar to me as my eyes met his.  I did not recognize the young man in his wheel chair at first, but I gave him a cheerful hello and walked by.  As I was walking, I realized in fact who it was.  Jeff had put on roughly 30 pounds or so, I sadly assume it is due to his wheel chair, and not walking like he used to.  My heart broke instantly.  For the next five to ten minutes standing in line for my photos, I felt like such an idiot for not stopping to talk with him.  On my way out, after paying for my things I stopped and talked to this young man.  His words were spit out with disdain, although he seemed happy to be working.  He complimented my jacket and asked how I was doing.  Before we parted, I told him to take care and that we would talk soon.

There, that is where I burst out crying in my car.  We will talk soon, when would we talk?  Why did I say that?  Could I take what I said and turn it into the truth?  I kick myself somedays for not appreciating the little things in life, I know how cliche right?  But no, Jeff loved to walk.  Jeff can no longer walk.  I don't ever appreciate the fact that my two legs can do one wonderful thing, movement.  My legs get me from A to B.  I dance with them, I run with them.  How can such a gift be taken away from someone?  Someone who already had the capability to do this, once before?  So there I sat in my car, crying like a baby.  Why?  Because I have been greedy.  With every bone and cell in my body I have taken advantage of life.  I have a cousin, whom can not hear.  I have a cousin who can not walk.  Without music I would have no voice, without legs, I could not run.  I am going to start sign language classes and a spin class.  I want to use my abilities for two.

madre.

It seems we haven't went a week in years
Where a talk hasn't lead to rivers of tears
And although I once looked up to you
As a young girl, what else could I do?

There is not enough ink in my pen
To let you know over and over again
That I hate what has transpired of us
Oh, that cold winter, I once had your trust

It pains me to know you never cared
Your past was something you never shared
How could I live with this visible ghost?
As a young girl your what I needed, wanted most

How am I to live with such devoid?
My heart, back and forth, tugged and toyed.

There is not enough ink in my pen
To let you know over and over again
That I hate what has transpired of us
Oh, that cold winter, I once had your trust

boys who rape should all be destroyed

I am in love with 1950's fashion atm.  More specifically, 50's swimwear.  Sweet summer, come soon.