...

Little Raquel it's hard to be you,
You're jealous of anyone who has the flu.
Little Raquel what more can you do,
Then beat yourself til' your black and blue?

Madlin' Marie Lucyk :

I was once so frightened to move back to my home city, my sister was heading to college in Halifax, my life had changed so much in the mountains.  I felt no real connection to Regina, nor did I want to live in a new home that my parents had built when I was away.  I felt like I was starting from scratch, from square one in this town, and I was.  I asked my mother one hundred times, "What are the odds that I found a best friend this late in life, no excuse me, a sister"? .. She said "Rare".

MY best friend is the most talented, admirable, generous, incomparable individual around.  The amount of praise and positivity I have received from her over the last year and a half should be illegal.  There isn't a moment where I feel hesitant to call, to stop by, ANYTHING.  Her family is mine and vice versa.  I have never found another (other than my sister) that connects with me on every aspect of life.  Whether it be music, people, poetry, photography, movies, books, daydreams and above all, men (the list goes on...) she has whole heartedly had my best interest at hand.  Never has someone made me laugh, cry, rejoice the way she does.  Within 30 seconds of her fingers banging piano keys I am in another place.  My best friend and I only bring out the positive within the other.  We have spent the last year creating a world of our own in ways of music, photography & every other art genre you can imagine.

I can't recall a time where she hadn't given me the most honest of opinion & has helped me see the light in plenty of dark and dreary wells.  She is a diary with a deadbolt & without a doubt the anchor to me in this city.  Who knows where my gypsy soul have taken me, without you here, Madlin' Lucyk!

I haven't felt this sick in months, and for once it wasn't something I ate.

frigid christmas

little steps

Don't come over now,
I don't trust that forest.
A forest of werewolves and witches,
eyeball their prey.

Don't come over now,
I don't trust that forest.
Earthlings and monsters
together they play.

Don't come on over
I wouldn't trust that forest,
But when you get here
together we'll lay.

today's rancor::

Oh the irony!

You 30 somethings sipping champagne, thinking I adulate you with everything inside of me. Today I worked a Christmas party (pantheon), and the entire time they were playing 'murder mystery'. I couldn't help but laugh because it reminded exactly of my favourite book "Fight Club". Where the protagonist outlines how horrible and materialist your life must be to attend a party where you are pretending to be killed, while they sip their 30 dollar a glass wine.

Cripes.

Where the children sleep.

Probably THE most amazing idea for a photography visual aid I have ever laid my eyes on.  James Mollison travels all over the world in curiosity of where children are laying their heads at night.  These are only four examples of his work, but the idea is completely breath taking.

We comin' rougher

pretty powder

This is something I have wanted to blog about for a while, but I didn't quite know how to : due to the fact that I didn't want to sound anything like a hypocrite about this situation.  Drugs are something I have been around since before high school, and smoking pot has become second nature to the majority of my friends. Although I love smoking pot, I have never made it a huge part of my life.  I lived on a mountain for 2 years where I have seen just about every reason your parent would not want you moving there, but it had no effect on my friends and I as we lived our lives at Big White.  What I want to discuss here is hard drugs.  This is where one might say, you are a hypocrite, you just admitted to smoking weed.  Weed DOES NOT effect people the way say, cocaine does.  I was never really exposed to coke in high school, and it wasn't until I got to Big White did I see people do it around me.

First thing :  It's not fucking cool, but since most already knew that, I will try and explain.

I feel so sorry for people who's lives are so terrible that they need these drugs to induce their senses, their personality, their ability to converse with people.   Some may even do them just to be 'themselves'.  Wow are you a low life.  I couldn't imagine needing anything more then good music, my best friends, boyfriend, family to give me the high that people get from drugs.  I feel that if my brain had an extra cell to be busted, I auta bust it trying to memorize a song on the piano, read wikipedia until my eyes burn, catch up with problems going on in the world.

Although Madlin' and I have had this conversation plenty of times that we have concluded, "I suppose most people don't get the same kind of joy from life as you and I".  Which is completely true, but besides the point, it all comes down to choices.  Everyone is exposed to drugs sometime in their life, and although I don't mean to get all grade 7 drug class on anyone, I can say this open and honestly that having tried drugs, I know that it adds nothing to my life.  Infact it only decreases every attribute of my personality that I hold so dearly.

NOTE : you do not appear more attractive, more fun, more outgoing, more cool strutting around the bar blasted out of your face, hanging off of men.  The only thing you equal in their eyes (men) and the likes of all the smart people around you is, "hey, she looks like she's going nowhere in life, I bet she's as easy to sleep with as well".

You know what, I believe more than anyone that you only live once, and everyone should do something in their life that really is out of character, like move to Europe, get a tattoo, learn a language, beat someone up, whatever.  But popping rat poison and dancing til' your tits pop out of your shirt has never been on my to do list.

P of the future.

I am going to be great at something,
or good for nothing.

I know exactly what I want to do in life,
I am not sure how I will get there,
I'm not sure when I'll get there,
nor do I know why...

All I know is I want to be behind my camera for the rest of my life, capturing life's essence that can't be touched, nor tasted, not even heard. For your visions create memories, and from memories, come dreams, and without dreams, I'd only be a sleepwalker, not a day dreamer, with my camera in my hand.

go ask alice

...

1933

Cheap white wine,
and words that rhyme,
this is how i've been spending my time.
I've been pacing by the mail box,
checking my missed calls. .
I thought you hadn't tried at all.
But I know the mail has been late,
and my phone bills not paid.
So I'll go shovel the street,
the snow cold on my feet.
So the mail can get here,
please, just call me, my dear.

blizzard

On the most frightful of days, such as this, I couldn't be more grateful for a pen and paper.  Infact I know these two writing apparatus' would be the only things I needed if I were by chance left on a deserted island.  It is the only reliable source of communication, and this I am learning is the honest truth.  These two dear things keep me alive when I am dead at work, are there for me when I wake at 3 am without a soul to chat to, and above all else, have kept secrets I wouldn't dare share.